We could probably write 1000 books and still only graze the surface of what love actually is. There are some key points about love that will help us have a better basic understanding.
I believe our first ideals of love are misshapen by our experiences, what we see in culture, and the picture that entertainment has painted for us. Love is depicted as a fairytale or a conditional set of theatrics.
It is one of the most powerful four letter words. It has the ability to encourage, empower, build, strengthen, heal, bond, and so much more. Why then has this word been so tainted and misconstrued? I believe it is because of our level of understanding and the examples we saw as children on what love is.
We were created to give love and receive love. As children we gain the most basic concepts of love. Our parents nurture, correct, lead, give us affection, spend time with us, and validate us. When any of those areas lack in our childhood, then our ideal of love becomes twisted. For instance, if you grow up in a home where your parents constantly fought, that is what you believe love to be. So as you grow older you too seek out similar relationships.
As a girl, our father is the first example of love we experience. It is the fathers job to validate their daughter. For me I grew up with an emotionally unavailable father. He was in the home until my parents divorced when I was 11. During those years my only basis of relationship with my dad was when I was in trouble. He wasn’t the dad that spent time with me, gave me compliments, encouraged me, or even really said too much. He provided financially and provided the discipline. That left a void in me. So as I grew older I always went looking for validation or just to feel like someone loved me. On top of that he was abusive to my mother. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I too looked for men that resembled this, thinking it was normal and what love was. I went through a series of abusive relationships and the last one before now, almost killed me.
I struggled to understand why no one loved me. It felt like I never experienced love at all. Well until I met God.
The last abusive relationship I went through brought me to God. I wasn’t looking for God if I’m being honest, but he showed up anyhow. I had gotten to my lowest place and I got on my knees in my bathroom and I prayed to die. I was 23 with a 6 week old baby. I was ready to give up. He had other plans though. He brought some people into my life that introduced me to him. He pursed me and was patient with me as I struggled to find my way. Once he came to me when I was on my bathroom floor, he has never left me since.
He began a process in me that has been growing from then until now. He showed me what real love is and here are some of the key things I have learned over the years.
Love is a commitment- Being committed to something is a conscious decision and dedication. When you are dedicated to something, you aren’t easily swayed to just stop doing it. A lot of people will say “I fell out of love.” That is not true. You did however decide not to be dedicated to the commitment of love anymore. This leads me to my second point.
Love is NOT a feeling- love is an action word. It is something we must continuously put work into. Feelings are fickle and change constantly. Love, however, is a constant choice we make despite how we feel. If someone does something that hurts us, what we need to do is address the hurt and still love. Easier said then done sometimes but again it is a choice.
Love shouldn’t be with condition- “If you do this for me, then I’ll do that for you,” or “If you don’t do this then I’m not doing that.” We should always be the example of love we want to receive regardless to how we are treated in the first place.
I will insert some scriptures here that really helped me understand love. The first one God showed me was how to love others the way he does.
1 Peter 3:8-9
8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be[a]courteous; 9 (A)not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary (B)blessing, knowing that you were called to this, (C)that you may inherit a blessing.
This scripture is the epitome of being the bigger person. If someone hurts you, this scripture says to bless them in return. Say what? Like God, nah. The thing is though, hate will never produce love. It will only produce more hate. What someone else does is not on you. When you do the right thing, God will handle the rest. Vengeance is his and not ours.
Second is the love chapter of the Bible. It details how we should love and how God loves us.
1 Corinthians 13
13 If I speak in the tongues[a](A) of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy(B) and can fathom all mysteries(C) and all knowledge,(D) and if I have a faith(E) that can move mountains,(F) but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor(G) and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b](H) but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient,(I) love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.(J) 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,(K) it is not easily angered,(L) it keeps no record of wrongs.(M) 6 Love does not delight in evil(N) but rejoices with the truth.(O) 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.(P)
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies,(Q) they will cease; where there are tongues,(R) they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part(S) and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes,(T) what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood(U) behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;(V) then we shall see face to face.(W) Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.(X)
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.(Y) But the greatest of these is love.(Z)
There’s so much in this scripture, it would take a lifetime to grasp it all. However, as we ask God to help us love like he does , he will help us do just that.
I hope something I said has encouraged you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Be blessed, until next time
Ash
Seeds For The Soul 