So now that we have talked about behavior and how to correct it, let’s talk about what happens as a result of not correcting it early on.

The areas that we struggle with as adults when we don’t learn the correct way to handle our behavior early on are:

• Poor impulse control
• Self-destructive behavior
• Aggressive behavior
• Eating disorders
• Reenactment of traumatic event/past

Remember, when we talk about behavior we are talking about a reaction to something external in our environment. So behavior is caused when something is going on around us that causes us to react in a way that signals we don’t like whatever is happening.

Let’s look at each of these areas a little more in depth.

Poor impulse control: Impulse is defined as a sudden strong and unreflective urge or desire to act. This means these actions we do without thinking beforehand of the consequences. Some examples of poor impulse control are: Lying, stealing, overeating, destroying property, and even compulsive shopping.

This may stem from growing up in verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or seeing people explosively react to situations. This can also come from having an unhealthy balance of yes and no. If someone is told they can never have something, once they get on their own they will tend to splurge on that thing. So much so, that it can become an addiction. Poor impulse comes from a desire to control what we can around us when we can’t control the environment we are in.

Self destructive behavior: This can be defined as causing harm to ones self physically or emotionally. We see a lot of self destructive behavior in people who suffer with low self esteem and depression. It can also stem from not learning how to cultivate healthy relationships and boundaries. If you were bullied or put down, intentionally or unintentionally, you may also suffer with self destructive behavior. These are the people who tend to push people away before they can get hurt. Other self destructive behaviors can be self injury, binge eating, gambling, addictions, and shopping. We use these areas to fill the voids and unworthiness we feel about our self.

Aggressive behavior is the opposite of self destructive behavior. It is when you cause harm emotionally or physically to someone else. Aggression itself is not the problem. Everyone experiences moments of anger. It is the excessive aggression that carries with us that becomes the problem and causes us to lash out. We see this in children who didn’t have enough one on one time with their parents. Without those moments of connection with our children, often, they tend to hold things in and learn to deal with them in aggressive ways. If they are never able to express their feelings, then they carry them and let them out in other ways. This is an area that may have also been modeled to us. If your parents argued a lot or you were always screamed at because your parents didn’t know how to talk to you in a calm way, you may suffer with aggressive behaviors. This leads to having poor relationships because we haven’t learned to deal with our emotions in a healthy way.

Eating disorders are not just an unhealthy relationship with food. They often stem from a mental health aspect. People who struggle with an eating disorder usually have a poor sense of self. They maybe were bullied, taunted, and put down as a child. It could of also come from a parent who made comments in reference to their weight. This could be if they were overweight or underweight. I think parents have the best intentions but don’t think before they say things. As a kid I remember family members saying things like “Do you really think you should be eating that?” “Your getting pretty big.” Those things made me believe that is who I really am. Fat, ugly, and an overeater. So I identified with that and it has carried with me through life. Society, while it is changing, for years portrayed images of the “ideal” look and made it impossible to just love you for who you are. If you were not validated and shown your self worth at an early age, you may suffer with an eating disorder.

Reenactment of a traumatic event: They say you are stuck at the age mentally of the most traumatic event that happened to you. It is my belief that we recreate the scenario because we were never able to heal from it. It carries with us through life and anyone or anything that resembles it, becomes it. We treat them or the situation as if it were the one we experienced earlier on because it looks similar or reminds us of something that happened to us. Until we face or heal our traumas they keep popping up.

I wanted to give you a basis of things we may struggle with in our adulthood. The beautiful thing is, it is never to late to change any area of your life that you want to change. It starts by identifying where we need change and then cultivating a plan to get there. A lot of the things in this trauma series are not easy to face. Trust me, I have my fair share of struggles. I do believe, however, if we can become aware of our traumas and begin the process of healing, we can become free of the burden we feel from them. The idea behind this series was to get us thinking and asking questions about who we are, where we are at, and who we want to become. I want you to do some self reflection this week. Sit in a quiet place and ponder on these things. Write down what you want to change about yourself or areas you are tired of struggling with. It will take some hard work, but it is possible and in your reach.

I hope some of this information has blessed you! As always I’m praying for all my readers and if you need help in anyway you can reach out and I will do what I can to help you get the ball rolling!

Until next time, be blessed!

Ash