Behavior consists of ones external response to their environment.

Before doing research and having certain experiences with my own children , I was very ignorant to behaviors and what they actually mean. I used to look at kids that were acting out negative behaviors as a means to be destructive, defiant, and downright bad. I made assumptions and would judge other parents and say things like, “My kid would NEVER act like that,” or “I wish my kid would try me like that!” Now I have a different understanding and realization of why children act out sometimes the way they do. I’ve had a fair share of struggles with my own kids. Some people will tell you, “They just need a good beatin/spankin.” Hitting your child rarely, if at all, yields the results your actually looking for. It is a temporary fix. It may suppress the behavior for a moment but it still doesn’t get to the root issue of the behavior. It will actually cause bigger issues that we sometimes don’t even think about. Using this method of discipline will unintentionally cause them to keep their feelings inside and suppress certain situations because of how the parent may react. This leads to more secretive behaviors which causes the parent to become even more upset. Studies show that children who receive spankings are more likely on show aggression and anger later in life. It also teaches them that hitting someone when your frustrated is normal.

It is important for us parents to take a second, breathe, and think before we react. Usually our first reaction is not always the best. When our children act out, our first feeling is usually anger and frustration. With consistency and the right tools we can teach our children how to properly deal with their behaviors and teach them consequences without losing our cool.

Through trial and error here are some things you can do to stop behaviors. Again it will take consistency.

10 Healthy Discipline Strategies That Work

The AAP recommends positive discipline strategies that effectively teach children to manage their behavior and keep them from harm while promoting healthy development. These include:

1. Show and tell. Teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions. Model behaviors you would like to see in your children.
2. Set limits. Have clear and consistent rules your children can follow. Be sure to explain these rules in age-appropriate terms they can understand.
3. Give consequences. Calmly and firmly explain the consequences if they don’t behave. For example, tell her that if she does not pick up her toys, you will put them away for the rest of the day. Be prepared to follow through right away. Don’t give in by giving them back after a few minutes. But remember, never take away something your child truly needs, such as a meal.
4. Hear them out. Listening is important. Let your child finish the story before helping solve the problem. Watch for times when misbehavior has a pattern, like if your child is feeling jealous. Talk with your child about this rather than just giving consequences.
5. Give them your attention. The most powerful tool for effective discipline is attention—to reinforce good behaviors and discourage others. Remember, all children want their parent’s attention.
6. Catch them being good. Children need to know when they do something bad–and when they do something good. Notice good behavior and point it out, praising success and good tries. Be specific (for example, “Wow, you did a good job putting that toy away!”).
7. Know when not to respond. As long as your child isn’t doing something dangerous and gets plenty of attention for good behavior, ignoring bad behavior can be an effective way of stopping it. Ignoring bad behavior can also teach children natural consequences of their actions. For example, if your child keeps dropping her cookies on purpose, she will soon have no more cookies left to eat. If she throws and breaks her toy, she will not be able to play with it. It will not be long before she learns not to drop her cookies and to play carefully with her toys.
8. Be prepared for trouble. Plan ahead for situations when your child might have trouble behaving. Prepare them for upcoming activities and how you want them to behave.
9. Redirect bad behavior. Sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don’t know any better. Find something else for your child to do.
10. Call a time-out. A time-out can be especially useful when a specific rule is broken. This discipline tool works best by warning children they will get a time out if they don’t stop, reminding them what they did wrong in as few words―and with as little emotion―as possible, and removing them from the situation for a pre-set length of time (1 minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb). With children who are at least 3 years old, you can try letting their children lead their own time-out instead of setting a timer. You can just say, “Go to time out and come back when you feel ready and in control.” This strategy, which can help the child learn and practice self-management skills, also works well for older children and teens.

This info came from healthychildren.org. There is a plethora of good information on this site. They even break it down to age range and what to do at every stage. I will put it as a reference below.

Being a parent is hard work! I’m not gonna lie sometimes I am tempted to take the easy route when I’m upset with my children instead of take the time to really figure out what’s going on. However, in order to effectively instill the things our kids need, we are going to have to work at it. If you make a mistake, breathe and try again. There is no perfect parent out there. We must continually and intentionally take the steps to be the best parents we can so that we teach our children how to be the best people they can be. We are their first example with everything. They are watching our every move. So it’s vital for us to be mindful of who we are shaping to become an adult one day. We must give them the tools to be as successful as possible!

American Academy of Pediatrics 2021: Healthychildren.org

Next post will be about the possible negative effects when behavior control isn’t taught properly.

Be blessed until next time,

Ash